Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
