you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
