so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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