Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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