My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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