Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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