this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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