Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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