Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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