Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
