Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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