I wish life had little blips of pornography
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
