I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
