Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
