Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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