hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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