I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
