Christians are straight up FREAKS
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
