I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
