I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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