My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
