I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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