Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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