my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
