All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
