She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
