Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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