While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dick very happy bro
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
