Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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