Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
