in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize