remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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