the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
