question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
