im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
