Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
