I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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