dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
