But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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