So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
