it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We need a shit load of segways right now
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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