8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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