Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
