walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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