Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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