I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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