just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
