I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
