im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
