its not stalking. its research.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
