Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
