dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
