why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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