Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
