I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
