I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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