He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
