Do you still have your period?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
