his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
