Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
