Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
