I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
