can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
