i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
