I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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