So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
