How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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