It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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