I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
