i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
