i don't like sucking hair
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
